For the last couple of weeks I knew I needed to make a new bulletin board. The old one had passed his prime and it was time for a fresh scene. I kept meaning to do it, but one thing or another took priority over it.
Last week on the way to school, I thought to myself, ‘I should just take the old one down.’ Knowing that if there was nothing on the wall, it would motivate me to make the new one. But I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t take one down and leave a big blank wall there. Staring at me whenever I passed. Nothing to see. Bare. Boring. Blank.
I thought about my self issues then. The achiever. Perfectionist. Pleaser. And wondered why she wouldn’t let me pull the old one down, until the new one was ready. Probably pride.
It brought to mind a period in my life that wasn’t so pretty. A period when one thing had been torn down. And rather than sit in the blank. I put something new in its place. Thinking it would fill the big empty space in me.
When it crashed and burned not too long after, I knew what God was asking me to do. And I for sure didn’t like it. He was asking me to sit still with the empty. The blank. The nothing.
I know God wasn’t asking me to sit quietly and stare at the blank and hurt. To suffer by rolling around and around, in the part of my life that crashed and burned over and over. He simply wanted me to keep it blank, so that my efforts weren’t spent on futilely filling it back up. He wanted me to keep it blank, so that the moments were spent staring at Him. His love. And word. So that He could fill me back up.
He wanted me as Psalm 46:10 says, “To be still and know that I am God.”
He whispered so often when I got antsy, “Be still”. And sometimes I listened. And sometimes I didn’t. He stayed near either way. And kept gently reminding me where my healing comes from. It wasn’t going to be found anywhere else. No matter how hard I looked. And I looked.
When I took down the outdated bulletin board this week, I was thinking about all this. I even took a picture in the few seconds between taking it down and putting the new one up. A picture of the blank.
It’s easy to change seasons on a bulletin board. Seasons of our lives take a little longer. Okay… A. Lot. Longer. For me, it’s probably those self issues and pride I mentioned earlier that kept me in them so long.
This morning I drove somewhere, and listened to my radio the whole way there. I was a few minutes early when I arrived. So I intentionally turned off the car and the radio to induce silence. And I felt it again. The void. Of anything but my thoughts and conversations with God. It’s was so completely silent. And at first I really didn’t like it. But slowly I adjusted to what it sounded like.
That’s exactly what the space between bulletin boards was. Void.
“Be still and know that I am God”, is not a blank wall. Or a silent car. Though both of those remind me how hard it is to stay there. In the stillness. Quietness. Blankness. To adjust to what it feels like and sounds like to stop rushing forward. To hear and know what being still even means.
God’s “be still” is space and time filled with the Holy Spirit. It is a choice to find His will over ours. It is breathing deep. And being on your knees. It’s mourning the past. And letting Him direct your future. It’s setting aside the pride of the pretty bulletin board, or the numbing music. And finding Him in the blank. Allowing Him to heal you. And restore your life. His way. And it’s probably a little different for each of us.
Oh sweet friends. It’s hard for me. To choose the quiet. To want the still. To not rush ahead. Or fast forward. I’ve struggled with it all. Over and over.
But I write this to encourage you that it’s possible. To sit in the quiet. The blank. The void. And let the Lover of your soul fill it.
That is my prayer for you today. As you let go of whatever He is asking you to. That you would choose to sit quietly. Still. Allowing the space to be void. For as long as He chooses it to be. That you would enjoy the process of finding what it sounds like and feels like when you’re still and He washes over you.
God isn’t asking you to sit quietly and stare at the blank. The hurt. The part of your life that crashed and burned. He simply wants you to keep it blank for awhile, so that your efforts aren’t spent on futilely filling it back up. But instead the moments are spent staring at Him. His love. And word. So that He can fill you back up.
Be still sweet friend. Be still.
And. know. that. He. is. God~
And He is so good. XOXO
gretchandboys 